Sexual sin is like dangerous fire.

There is wisdom in understanding consequences. It typically only takes one time for someone to learn to not touch an open flame. Most people are then careful and on guard around flames the rest of their lives. Why are we so vigilant with fire but not with sexual sin in our lives even though Solomon likens sexual sin to carrying fire/getting burned?

Proverbs 6:24–28 [24] to preserve you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress. [25] Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes; [26] for the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread, but a married woman hunts down a precious life. [27] Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? [28] Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? (ESV)

For myself and what I have learned from talking with guys in our purity ministry over the past few years is that this answer varies from person to person. Yet underneath it all there was a common thread of: ignorance of scripture, self-worship, false spirituality, religion with no personal and intimate relationship with God. The following are often why we do not treat sexual sin like dangerous fire:

1. We do not know the consequences because we lack the knowledge of what God’s word says about it.

Proverbs 7:21–23 [21] With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. [22] All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast [23] till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life. (ESV)

Proverbs 5:7–10 [7] And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. [8] Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, [9] lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, [10] lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner, (ESV)

Proverbs 6:32–33 [32] He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. [33] He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away. (ESV)

James 1:14–15 [14] But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. [15] Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. (ESV)

2. We let the temporary pleasure outweigh what we perceive the possible consequences to be, we convince ourselves that we “got away with one”. We fit God into our defined box.

Proverbs 5:20–23 [20] Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? [21] For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the LORD, and he ponders all his paths. [22] The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. [23] He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray. (ESV)

Hebrews 11:24–26 [24] By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, [25] choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. [26] He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward. (ESV)

3. Our sexual sin is done in private and some consequences are not immediately felt. We may now be in boiling water, but we have been desensitized by continual sexual sin over time that it is no longer hot to us and is our new normal.

Proverbs 5:11–13 [11] and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, [12] and you say, “How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! [13] I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. (ESV)

Proverbs 1:10 [10] My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent. (ESV)

Ecclesiastes 12:13–14 [13] The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. [14] For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil. (ESV)

Romans 2:16 [16] on that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus. (ESV)

4. We lack an understanding of God’s attributes, especially His holiness. Giving ourselves “permission” to overlook the cost of our sin (Paid by Jesus, the Lamb of God).

Proverbs 1:7 [7] The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. (ESV)

Matthew 5:48 [48] You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (ESV)

1 Peter 1:14–16 [14] As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, [15] but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, [16] since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” (ESV)

Isaiah 53:4–6 [4] Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. [5] But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. [6] All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. (ESV)

5. We are childlike in our spiritual maturity.

Proverbs 7:6–9 [6] For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice, [7] and I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense, [8] passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her house [9] in the twilight, in the evening, at the time of night and darkness. (ESV)

1 Peter 2:2 [2] Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— (ESV)

Hebrews 5:11–14 [11] About this we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. [12] For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, [13] for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. [14] But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil. (ESV)

6. We have a false spirituality.

Proverbs 28:26 [26] Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered. (ESV)

Proverbs 26:25 [25] when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; (ESV)

James 1:22–25 [22] But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. [23] For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. [24] For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. [25] But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. (ESV)

7. Our understanding of sin is distorted and not in line with scripture and is often man-centered. The realization of our sin, that it is against God is lacking.

Proverbs 28:9 [9] If one turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination. (ESV)

Genesis 39:6–9 [6] So he left all that he had in Joseph’s charge, and because of him he had no concern about anything but the food he ate. Now Joseph was handsome in form and appearance. [7] And after a time his master’s wife cast her eyes on Joseph and said, “Lie with me.” [8] But he refused and said to his master’s wife, “Behold, because of me my master has no concern about anything in the house, and he has put everything that he has in my charge. [9] He is not greater in this house than I am, nor has he kept back anything from me except you, because you are his wife. How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” (ESV)

Psalm 51:3–4 [3] For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. [4] Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. (ESV)